I had to tell my sister what happened when we were on holiday, and now she knows I “go a bit weird” sometimes and I don’t have to explain it all again if it comes on.įor me, it’s a symptom. Everyone says it, but I avoid alcohol or coffee like the plague when I’m feeling on edge – they’ve often been a trigger. Going for a long walk at a fast pace can sometimes help bring me back again. As does eating or drinking something mindfully, concentrating on every bite. If I’m at home, I’ll sit on the floor and meditate in some way. I find it helpful to rub my hands together when they don’t feel like mine. I’ve learned ways to pull myself in – to “ground” myself.
Mymind wont shut the fuck up Patch#
It’s happened for me during a period of severe anxiety, after a panic attack, as it can for many people, but mostly when I’m having a bad patch with an ongoing health issue. Sometimes it’s more a vague sense of not really being there, like you’re walking around looking out of a goldfish bowl. Thankfully, it usually skips the leaving-the-body bit, and goes straight to an uneasy dysphoria.
It’s happened again, a fair few times, to varying degrees and for varying periods of time. It took a couple of days to finally shake it off and feel like I’d “returned” to my body. When someone spoke to me, it felt like I was far away, or watching everything happen to someone else. Whenever I opened my eyes, nothing looked or felt right. I listened to The Beautiful and Damned audiobook from start to finish, focusing as best I could on each word the irritating narrator spoke, trying to paint pictures on my eyelids instead.
The next two days were spent on a lounger with my sunglasses on and eyes shut. I needed to tell someone, but who would believe it? When someone spoke to me, it felt like I was far away, or watching everything happen to someone else By the time they came back, I wasn’t in the air anymore. I stayed in my room when my family went out for dinner. Somehow I got to my bed, and I lay there. I can’t remember thinking anything specific about what might be happening. I could see my reflection from what felt like the ceiling. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t have told you if I’d seen it before. That’s when I knew I wasn’t in there any more. Hairy, covered in sweat and fat, and then I looked up and saw my face. I was doing something, and something had to be done.Īfter a while I walked into the bathroom and looked at my body in the mirror. I paced around the hotel room in the heat, wearing my bikini. I remember feeling I couldn’t stay still. I’d been feeling anxious and out of sorts all week, so I went back to the hotel room in the middle of the day. When it first happened to me – to this extreme, at least – I was on holiday with my dad, sister and brother. Which would be amazing, if it wasn’t so awful. You can’t deal with a situation, so it almost ejects you, makes you feel disconnected. I’ve read that depersonalisation is one of the body’s stress responses.
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